Dear Mama To Be
Yesterday I told you of my first birth experience. Today I’ll share the second.
We started trying for number two when Fish was almost two and a half. We also decided to sell our house, put everything we owned in storage, move in with my in-laws, and start building a new house. Stress much? And I wondered why I didn’t get pregnant! I was unhappy with my new doctors and in general annoyed that my body couldn’t just get pregnant!! So, I talked with A-Man (who wasn’t as adament about a second child as I was), and we put an end to the quest for baby number two. We traded the minivan for a smaller car, and I made several work and volunteer commitments, and yes, six weeks later, I was pregnant (truly know how annoying this to those out there still trying to get pregnant).
The second time, I still desperately wanted that vaginal birth, but because I was a VBAC, my only option was a hosptial delivery, still I went the mid-wife route for pre-natal care.
Fish told everyone who would listen that she was getting a baby brother on June 1st. I told her again and again, that a) we don’t get to pick, we get what we get and b) that babies come when they are ready. Didn’t I go into labor at 5:15 am on Monday June first! It is worth noting that A-Man was on a 5am bus to Boston. I got Fish off to pre-school, called him and told him to finish whatever was urgent and to get on bus home. Again, start and stop. I did everything I could to keep labor progressing. When A-Man got home, I got permission from the mid-wife to get in the hot tub. That helped, but still with the stop and start. I called the midwives in tears. I wasn’t going 60 hours again. The nurse wasn’t particularly sympathetic. We went and registered A-Man’s new truck, picked Fish up from pre-school and I came home ang got in the shower (we have two heads oooooo, ahhhhh). That did the trick. I ate something, we sent Fish home with my in-laws and called the mid-wife. She asked if I could wait half an hour and I said yes if I could get in the hot tub (we kept it a 100 degrees). She said yes, so I did.
She called in half an hour and I could barely talk. It was time.
We drove to the hospital and during admitting, I puked on the nurse (2 for 2) and we did the tub again. I got cold and by 10 something at night 17 hours of labor at this point, it was time to push. I pushed, and pushed, and got nowhere. Rest, Try again, no go. The mid-wife went to get the doctor for a consult. I knew where we were headed and I didn’t care. This time I knew, it was just a process and what mattered was the end result. The doctor came in and had me push through a contraction and he agreed, they weren’t productive. Time for a c-section.
A-Man looks at me and says “Do you want me to call anyone?”. We flew solo this time because all of my close friends lived an hour and a half a way. No, I said. About 10 minutes later it occured to me that he wasn’t asking for me. I said, “Do you want to call someone?” Yes, yes he did! Ooops.
My Sister-in-law came and she was TOTALLY into the surgery. I was more with it this time and got a kick out of her interest. The doctor said “It’s a boy” and I clearly remember thinkging “What am I going do to with a boy?” then the doctor said “Ow!” Mim bit him on the way out. His APGRs were off the charts.
On his post-op visit, the surgeon told me that Mim was posterior too and that my hips were very small. He said the first surgeon should have noted my small birth canal and that frankly I should not have been allowed to attempt a VBAC. Even it the baby wasn’t posterier, it is likely he would have broken something on the way out.
I tell you my stories not to frighten you everyone’s experience is different. I own my choices. I’m horribly independent and hate medical intervention. In hindsight, I wish I had scheduled the second c-section, but at the risk of repeating myself, the final result is all that matters.
I know how hard you worked just to get pregnant and how much you have enjoyed pregnancy. By your own words, you are a control freak and a planner. I tell you my story to demonstrate that things don’t always go as you plan them. When it comes to labor and delivery, that couldn’t be more true, so do your best, but keep and open mind and be prepared to be ok if things don’t work out according to the pictures in your head.
Oh, an relax, you are going to be an awesome mom!!