I have an awesome husband (but don’t mention it because he hates compliments), two beautiful children and scads of friends and family whom I rely on to stay sane.
My daughter wished me Happy thirty-second birthday this morning. I laughed but told her, I don’t mind aging. I’m happy with progress and I can honestly say while there are specific experiences I wouldn’t mind reliving, I have no desire to go back to any certain time in my life.
I read a blog post recently where the blogger said that people who say they have no regrets are full of sh*t. Well then I guess I’m full of it because I have no regrets. Regrets to me are big picture things that I truly had control over. I’m glad I went to college where I did, I’m glad I’ve chosen the careers I did. I’m glad I married the man I did and that we had two kids. I’m even glad we moved to New Hampshire. The big choices have all worked out well for me. Yes there have been (and continue to be struggles), and I do wish some things had turned out differently. But, to call those things regrets is making big stuff out of small stuff.
So, what’s next? Writing. I have a number of stories in various stages of draft. Consciously I know that the real work can’t begin until I get the story out of my head and into a setting (digital or analog) where I can refine it. If I could just get out of my own damn way, I would have something to edit in no time.
It is the getting out of my own way that I struggle with. I have a habit of planning ahead. I am always looking forward trying to do things as efficiently as possible so as to be prepared and to minimize effort. While there are situations where this is a handy skill set, often, it in my attempt to anticipate the future, I borrow trouble. I try to figure out what all the possible hurdles could be and I get overwhelmed. Once I am overwhelmed with all the ways I could fail, it becomes clear to me that I am wasting my time and I walk away. I have to keep reminding myself that with writing, it is the means that justify the end. Once I get the “sloppy copy” out, only then can I refine it and turn it into something viable. I have to turn off my planning instinct and just roll with it. In other words just write!
Also on the agenda is continuing my quest for weight loss and improved health. I’ve mad a good start and am thrilled with the results. There is nothing like the feeling you get when you put on a pair of pants that were too tight last summer only to find out they are just right or even a smidge loose this summer. Now I just need to keep it up. Thus far, I’m not finding it quite as hard as I expected and any challenges are tempered by the successes.
Those are my big challenges for the foreseeable future. If only it was that easy that I should focus only on those to things, I’d be svelte and published in no time! Back in the real world, I am married with aging parents and growing children. Relationships must be nurtured, bills must be paid, and schedules must be managed. I say that with no tone of martyrdom or malice. Like I said at the top, I’m happy with the choices I’ve made.
Onward towards 44!