I woke up at 5:53am and thought “great I have 5 more minutes.” When I rolled over again it was 6:23am. Panic! The bus comes in less than 20 minutes and if he doesn’t see you standing there, he rolls on by.

I’m a heavy sleeper. I do not wake quickly. I jumped out of bed but couldn’t figure out what to do next. Eventually, I made the decision to drive Fish to school. Since A-man was home he could get Mim to his later bus. I headed for the shower but then thought I should at least tell Fish what was going on so she didn’t panic if she woke up.

Like her mother she wakes slowly and startling her is not a great way to start the day. I called her name softly, no response not even a rustle. I reached into the top bunk to scratch her back but she wasn’t within arms reach. I patted around a bit and finally figured out there wasn’t anybody in the bunk bed. I turned and headed downstairs. When I hit the landing I could tell the light in the kitchen was on. When I hit the 1st floor I could smell toasted Eggos. I called her name still no answer but I could hear somebody banging around in the mud room. When I peeked in, she was loading up her backpack dressed and ready to go. When I asked her why she didn’t wake me she said “I thought I’d let you sleep.” Can I get a collective “Awwwww!”? I got some clothes on and drove her to the bus stop. Once in the car I thanked her and she told me that she was kind of proud of herself. I assured her she should be proud.

I think when we become parents we all have things that we are going to do differently than our parents. Mine was being up with my kids in the morning. My mom was a night owl and had her own challenges so from the time I was in 5th grade on, I made my own lunch and breakfast and got myself out the door. This wasn’t bad there were no major problems, but I always kind of wished I had one of those moms who was there in the morning. So I set out to be that mom for my kids. During elementary school this wasn’t that big of a deal they were both on the same schedule and generally needed some prodding. This year they’re on different schedules and Fish is on the bus at 0’dark hundred. That means I’m up at a quarter before 0’dark hundred. Did I mention I wake slowly? I’m not necessarily the best company but I’m there. Turns out, my presence is unnecessary.

After school, we talked more about the morning routine and she explained that she’d really rather get up and get going by herself she wants the independence. I want to sleep so hey, it’s a win-win right? Well, she’s still my baby, it’s dark and cold out and while not far, the bus stop is out of sight from the house.

We struck a compromise, I only have to get up in time to drive her to the bus stop. She gets her indepndence. I get more sleep, but still get a few minutes to see her smiling face in the morning. I know she’s safe and I have a few minutes to enjoy my tea and journal in peace and quiet before her brother wakes up. It just strikes me as funny that something I thought was so important was an imposition on my daughter’s quest for independence. Yet another, reminder, she’s not me 🙂